How Do You Know You’ve Found The One?


Dear friend, 

Have you seen The Perks of Being a Wallflower? In high school I really dug this movie, so a guy gave it to me as a gift and then used it as an excuse to ask me out. The guy was extremely sweet, yet after one date and weeks of hanging out at school, I decided I’d rather be single. This must’ve been extremely confusing for him. He’d done everything right, so why wasn’t I giving him a chance? 

I didn’t give him a chance because I knew I was waiting for “the one” to come along. People said that this was crazy. They said that I ought to “have a little fun” by dating around. But as much as I wanted to be with someone, I wanted to be with the right someone. And so I waited. And waited. And prayed I wasn’t making a mistake each time I cut ties with men.

Now that I’ve found “the one,” I’m glad that I waited.

I didn’t know it at the time, but we were both waiting for each other. We were just busy growing our own separate ways, getting ready to accept the love we deserve when the time was right. People ask all the time, how do you know when you’ve found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with? Here’s how I knew:

We Feel It

This is difficult to describe and easy to mistake. The “feeling” of having found your soulmate isn’t the same as infatuation. It’s similar in that you want to consistently be with the person and learn everything about them, but it’s deeper. We felt comfortable with each other and trusted each other immediately. It feels like we’ve already known each other for a hundred years or more…like physical time will never catch up with our natural bond. There are no red flags, and we accept each other exactly as we are.

We’re a Team

We go through life as equals, putting forth effort each and every day to make each other’s lives easier. We lift each other up when we are down, and do not allow resentment to build over anything. If one of us takes out the recycling and goes to the store, the other might scrub the shower and wash the dishes. If one of us comes home after a crappy day, the other offers tea, and turns on the lights lining the bookshelf which makes the atmosphere cozy. We know that relationships take work, and put in the work necessary to maintain a positive partnership. We also believe in Inter-dependence, meaning, we are two individuals rather than an amorphic blob. We are better together, but haven’t lost our sense of self.

We Communicate Openly

Communication really is key. We let each other know what we want, how we’re feeling, and how our days went. There are no secrets or games. Rather than making assumptions or letting anger and frustrations build, we openly discuss what bothers us and how we can make things better. We try really hard not to snap at each other, and if we do, we pause (sometimes for minutes, other times hours), apologize, and approach each other with the understanding that we were likely too tired, hungry, stressed, or overheated. We get that we are human, and misunderstandings and differences will occur. And we’re lucky that they don’t happen often. We also openly discuss what we love about each other, showering each other with compliments and encouragement.

We are Alike..and Different

We are alike in that we have the same values and sense of commitment. We also share similar taste in activities and things like music and food and our vision for what we want in life. But we’re also different in important ways, which leads to a sense of balance within ourselves and our home. As a result, we are constantly learning from each other and growing.

Other People “Feel” it Too

A few months ago as we were walking down the street, a total stranger stopped us and said, “I’m sorry but I have to tell you something. I see you guys walking around here, and I think you are the cutest couple.” We smiled and thanked her and it became an inside joke, but truthfully, it wasn’t a rare occurrence. People can sense our bond and devotion, and it brings them joy. They are never concerned for us; they never make us question whether or not the other person truly cares about us, or if we are happy or just settling so that we can forge through the checklist of life or avoid being labeled as single. While the opinions of others don’t necessarily matter, I take it as a good sign that our relationship is blessed by friends, family, and strangers.

There are so many other positive traits, but I think I’ll end here. How did you know you found “the one”? Or if you’re single, what traits do you think are important in a good relationship?

With Love,

Paige E.

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