The truth is, until recently my love life was a closed door. I didn’t let people know about it, and I didn’t let romantic love in. I dated or was in the talking-stages with all sorts of guys…some were extremely nice, and would’ve made decent boyfriends. The ones who I went out with more than once usually weren’t; I’ll be kind by saying that they were on their own journeys and were not equipped to treat someone else the way that they deserved to be treated.
Two things were going on here.
One: I only wanted to open my heart to someone who I could see myself marrying. I wasn’t interested in just hooking up, or the messiness that comes with spending years with someone hoping to fall in love with them but never quite getting there. In other words, I wasn’t interested in dating just to date. I hate dating. I wanted to find someone who spending time with didn’t give me a migraine or feel like work.
Two: I wasn’t ready to be in a serious relationship because I was too scared. I valued my independence and was afraid that by falling in love, I could no longer do the things that I wanted to do, or become the person I wanted to be. I was also scared of falling in love with the wrong person and, if I’m being honest, I was scared of men as a whole.
I assumed most men “just wanted one thing” and that they couldn’t love me for silly reasons like my petite body, my vegetarianism, the fact that I don’t enjoy partying and prefer Jeopardy over Jersey Shore. I was scared that I’d fall in love with someone who wouldn’t love me back. Someone would prove to be a pig, or would leave me for a woman more stereotypically sexy or fun.
I spent years being too scared and too picky to allow love in, then one day I realized….I’m never going to find love if I keep the door to it closed. If I wanted to experience “doing life” with someone else, I had to change my mindset, then tell the universe that I was ready to receive love.
Did that last part sound funny? Go ahead and laugh. A day or two before meeting my soulmate, I literally had a conversation with the universe that went something like this:
“Hey universe. In the past I’ve dated some crappy guys, and I was scared to fall in love, but I’m ready now. I want to experience life with somebody. I’m lonely. Please show me what it’s like to have a good relationship. Please help me find someone to spend my life with.”
Ok so it does sound sort of funny. But it worked.
It didn’t work because I said “pretty please”, but because I shifted my perception as to what it means to find love, decided on the type of love I deserved, and proved I was truly ready.
This isn’t going to work for everyone but for me, it did. I suspect it had something to do with timing. I needed to learn certain life lessons prior to meeting someone, and now I need to learn life lessons that can only come from being with someone.
The kicker? They had to be ready for all this too.
Friend, I encourage you to let love in. It doesn’t have to be the romantic type because you might not be ready for it…Let yourself have valuable friendships and relationships with your family. Learn to love yourself. Love your life, and every moment of the incredible journey you’re on.
Let me know whether you’ve ever had any epiphanies about letting love in!
Peace and Love,